Halo of the shadow

I have been having this idea of writing this big big tome of a novel and all I need is a paid vacation to someplace shiny and warm for 13 months a year. Only because its gonns be a tourist spot and people are gonna come and go. No long relationships. I think time kills them, most anyway. I would selfishly only wanna know them till they are there... when they have all the time in the world and money for themselves. Its the best time to engage their faculties completely, when they listen and wanna be something bigger and different from their ordinary lives.

I want me to be the only constant in this brilliant laboratory of souls in human forms... though I wouldn't mind a dog. Have you ever imagined some place like this and how the rules of the game change. Suddenly, it does not matter where you are from, what your family did to you or you to them. You can come up with a fictional life and no one would care. Every one's just completely self-indulgent, and refreshingly honest about it... for they are on a vacation.

I've begun to dislike reading other people's blogs... my own too actually. Yes... I go and re-read my posts. To see if they carry the same emotion for me now as they did then. Mostly the answer is yes and sometimes I get cringy and uncomfortable at all the emotion I have laid bare for strangers to read. And I get bored with all the self-indulgence I see... I did blah blah blah... my life has... my passion is... I feel like... and you can very well turn around and say I din't ask you to read mine so fuck off for I can clearly do without your self-indulgent take on the issue. So to divert the whole matter lets see if we can answer the question of why do people write blogs? I do know its a mode of expression, but is it:

1. Blogs are like surrogates for conversations. In our worlds people use blogs to say what they don't have anyone to express to. sorry state. Not all probably, but most. And the remaining few get to be 'Blogs of note'...

2. Blogs are like surrogates for a desired life. You can weave threads into an anonymous story and put it out there for a larger audience. And experiment with what if that is how things really were, would the world have turned out for you? Comments or No Comments. and if any... what kind? Sympathy, love, curiosity, agreement...

I think I know my answer. You can find one for you and keep it.