Goodbyes again

My parents are shifting to Bangalore. For good. For the fact that I have been living away from home for more than 10 years... shifting houses still feels alien. The first 18 were spent in Raebareli... a small obscure town in the state of Uttar Pradesh, made famous by politicians and R P Singh. Then a lil time in Delhi, then Lucknow and then Pune and then Mumbai. Of all these places that matter are Raebareli and Mumbai. Raebareli got to see the child, the girl... Mumbai has seen the woman... and I have not missed the family much here because they were just a Volvo and 4 hours away.

I am not sure how its gonna pan out now... that I will be seeing them once in a few months etc... bringing the visits down to some depressing statistic of 3-4 a year. Traditionally, the laws of growing up demand that I should rather be missing them lesser and lesser but our relationships have undergone some really torrid times and things now are taken far less for granted. We value our time together... we talk and laugh. We have so much fun together, it'll give any fun party with friends serious competition.

The person that I am, I don't have an army of friends here and some new gig to go to every now and then. So I am a lil worried about weekends and time by myself. In Chapter 18 of the novel The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde (1854–1900) it is written; "The only horrible thing in the world is ennui, Dorian. That is the one sin for which there is no forgiveness."... and I run the risk of committing this sin over and over again. I dislike the whole emotional experience of boredom. Its exhausting and risky.

Enrolling for weekend belle dancing classes was an attempt to give myself something to do over these scary spans of time. Sometimes I just wanna be like those people who have a gazzilion friends and really like to talk to people rather than put all my eggs in one basket with a fervent hope that it'll turn out just fine. Its really fervent this time.

Sis now being in NZ makes this whole feeling of being scattered and not together rather stark. Today I just wanna go back to that time so many years ago, when she was this small thing following me around everywhere and wanting to do everything like I did, eat only what I eat... and come to me for all confessions of childhood sins... seeking protection.

I might not miss Pune so much. The house there has many many memoeries, but last night Sis and I agreed that it'll never evoke feelings the one in Raebareli still might. She had got an opportunity to go back before she left for NZ. I knew exactly what she meant when she told me that she just stood there on the road staring at that one story house we'd seen built brick by brick... and cried and cried. I know I am going to have the same reaction if I ever go back. If. It'll take a long time before I can grow that kind of roots anywhere else.

Hmmm. Seems I am nostalgic. And looks like the mood is here to stay. I will be helping Mom n Dad shift... but they will be all packed up and ready to move by the time I get there. It hurts to know that many things like how the drawing room looked in the afternoon with sunlight streaming through the drapes... the chirping of the birds at sunset... Sis's room... the view from the window... the balcony and us standing there staring at the clouds is all only in the memory now. It'll all be naked and empty when I get there... without the paintings and splashes of color. I think I could do with a warm hug right now.

Amidst all the chatter...

I read posts and things people are writing and all I see is something or the other that they predict is going to go wrong with the world. Elections, greedy politicians (everyone is writing about this one, almost like we hate them now for winning)... the economy going to the dogs blah blah blah!

Please people just write about something nice. Write about something happy. There are too many people gunning for that impending doom. A lil effort on the side of sunshine would sure be of help. I don't feel like talking when all around me are so glum and gloomy (which some might say is a good thing now!)

Anyway, I shall therefore proceed ahead and tell you about something nice that happened today. A friend who recently got married sent across a compliment. You see, she being a chaste hindu brahmin was marrying a christian and as expected none of her family could bring themselves to attend the wedding (except her sister). We were invited and go we did... I broke my last record of money spent in a single day on clothes. Managed an ivory dress with a long flowing skirt made with some 6000 metres of cloth. Anyway, it seems I have managed a strong fan following at the party including the hubby dear of my friend. I danced some good old salsa with him and he really liked it! I have always wanted to date christian men and looks like we are finally getting there!

This also reminds me of the sermon that sweet old pastor gave during the mass... he was emphasising the importance of God and how his presence is there to keep us all together in the hard times. So he goes...
'You are like the wick and the candle and god the light... you two, my dears are like the seed and the plant with God being the fertile earth... like the two sides of lips of a zip, and God being the head of the zip in between....'
"How apt!" whispered my partner and I frankly have no recollection of what happened next coz we were shaking with laughter... and it took some stern glances from people around for my friend to curb the wild wild interpretation of how God would just love to be a zipper in between having a 'hard' time getting all the head he can! So gross and so God damned memorable!

This week has otherwise been good. Among other good things that happened were that my boss was on leave for a good part of it, which might be a large contributor to the general bonhomie. My sister earned a B in a test and did not lose it. I have a phone bill of 7 K this month and all for an A- she got on a paper last time. I have read 10+ cheap romantic novels this month. I have demonstrated positively obnoxious behavior with my room mate and her friends and gotten away with my way! I made some new and very nerdy friends. Finally realised that basically deep down I just hate banter! And discovered a fab gynaecologist in the city. Now what more can you ask for... hmmm?

So... Intelligence is normally distributed after all!!!

Well... The concept of normal curve says that for any phenomenon present in a large population, it is safe to assume that its distribution if plotted on a curve will take the shape of an inverted bell... also called the Normal curve or the Guassian distribution with love. It means that most people will lie close to the mean or average, and a few being exceptionally above or below it. Makes intuitive sense rt?

Now, intelligence too therefore can be assumed to be normally distributed. So what's the point?

You see, for the last hour and a half my dearest roomie has been going on and on about her martial arts camp at Goa the past week. The high point of the whole affair seems to be a rendezvous with a snake 'on the beach'... She gets into details of course (with no prodding needed). This snake on the beach happens to be less than a couple of feet long, Yellow in colour and a 'Cobra'!! She then went on to say how everyone was holding it and playing with the cobra on the beach when one of the black belt instructors took pity on it, picked it up by the tail and took it back home into the sea water!!!

Now, you need to go to any five year old, give them this story and ask them what they think of you?

As for me, I am pretty disappointed with the cobra and his absolutely blasphemous un-clanly behavior! So I am going to put him in the 'exceptionally below' the average in my books.

As for my roommate... well! I sure do live with some truly exceptional people! There is no way in hell I can find a category for her now can I?

My personality type

After taking those gazillion inane 'who, what, why and just about when' tests on facebook (pl don't think less of me for this!), I finally remembered some of my own HR gyaan and logged on to a site that gives one a taste of MBTI or the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator test. The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) assessment is a psychometric questionnaire designed to measure psychological preferences in how people perceive the world and make decisions. To know more about the theoretical aspects pl visit wikipedia. Anyway, to translate it all into simple English, Jung basically said that people can be rational (thinking and feeling) or irrational (sensing and intuition). To add to this, he said that these types can be expressed either in an extroverted or introverted fashion. Add to this you could either be Judging or Perceiving and you have the 4 pairs or by simple permutation and combination, 16 personality types. So essentially I lost you here rt? Fine! Lets make it simpler

4 pairs:
Extraversion - Introversion (how does one gather energy: within or without)
Sensing - iNtuition (How does one gather information?)
Thinking - Feeling (How does one process this information?)
Judging - Perceiving (What is your decision making style?)

and you will have more of each pair on all the 4 dimensions. So you will either be:

- an extrovert (deriving energy from doing things and meeting people) or introvert (deriving energy from thinking),
- sensing (Being able to see and articulate the reality, gather information from the 5 senses, data driven) or intuitive (driven by an inner logic, insights of the subconscious that can be excruciatingly difficult to explain to the sensing type)
- thinking (take decisions from a detached standpoint, look for rationality) or feeling (decide by empathising with the situation and people involved, looking at things 'from the inside')
- Judging (people who prefer to have matters settled) or Perceiving (those who would like to keep decisions open)

So guess what am I? Guess guess...
Well... I am an I(Introvert), N(Intuitive), F(Feeling) and J(Judging) person. To understand me better (talk about narcissism) I am attaching a few interesting descriptions I found on some other sites... This one calls my type a Counselor Idealist:

Counselors have an exceptionally strong desire to contribute to the welfare of others, and find great personal fulfillment interacting with people, nurturing their personal development, guiding them to realize their human potential. Although they are happy working at jobs (such as writing) that require solitude and close attention, Counselors do quite well with individuals or groups of people, provided that the personal interactions are not superficial, and that they find some quiet, private time every now and then to recharge their batteries. Counselors are both kind and positive in their handling of others; they are great listeners and seem naturally interested in helping people with their personal problems. They are the constant 'givers'. Not usually visible leaders, Counselors prefer to work intensely with those close to them, especially on a one-to-one basis, quietly exerting their influence behind the scenes.
Counselors are scarce, little more than one percent of the population, and can be hard to get to know, since they tend not to share their innermost thoughts or their powerful emotional reactions except with their loved ones. They are highly private people, with an unusually rich, complicated inner life. Friends or colleagues who have known them for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that Counselors are flighty or scattered; they value their integrity a great deal, but they have mysterious, intricately woven personalities which sometimes puzzle even them.
Counselors tend to work effectively in organizations. They value staff harmony and make every effort to help an organization run smoothly and pleasantly. They understand and use human systems creatively, and are good at consulting and cooperating with others. As employees or employers, Counselors are concerned with people's feelings and are able to act as a barometer of the feelings within the organization.
Blessed with vivid imaginations, Counselors are often seen as the most poetical of all the types, and in fact they use a lot of poetic imagery in their everyday language. Their great talent for language-both written and spoken-is usually directed toward communicating with people in a personalized way. Counselors are highly intuitive and can recognize another's emotions or intentions - good or evil - even before that person is aware of them. Counselors themselves can seldom tell how they came to read others' feelings so keenly. This extreme sensitivity to others could very well be the basis of the Counselor's remarkable ability to experience a whole array of psychic phenomena.

So why am I doing all this? Just because I feel less of a freak now. I know that my type is rare ... just 1% of the human population. I know that I am an introvert so I don't have to get confounded by the 'feeling' aspect of my personality, which makes me wanna talk to people. I understand why I feel panicky when I get invited to parties!! I'll feel okay now when I am unable to explain the logic of my decisions to people... they just harass me and make me look like a fool and then in the end when I am proven right... beyond all 'logic' I'd like to add... I just cannot make them look bad by saying... I told you so! Also that though I am a decisive person I just dither most because I have some human considerations at heart!! So there.... I got me figured. Some atleast.

Scotch Bright!!!

I have a secret to confess. I love washing utensils. Infact the dirtier the lot the better. I love washing bathrooms too. And I love toothbrushes not just because I use them inside my mouth! So if you have been paying attention at all... I love to clean with toothbrushes.
Well... I told someone I befriended last year that the year before that I got bit by the cleaning bug so hard, I scrubbed away at everything with a toothbrush till I got a back problem. He laughed much at me. My sister has a picture of me... down on my knees scrubbing the back of the pipe under my wash basin with my ass looking all perked up for a smack! She is holding on to it for revenge if I release any of hers to someone of any importance anywhere ever. The only thing she wanted to know was... "Di... I get the cleaning and all but who will ever look "there?" Who even cares?". So I guess I am a certfied freak now.
Last weekend I took all of the utensils in the kichen and gave them a taste for some real FR brand soul-of-the-silver shine! After 2 hours, an environment-unfriendly amount of soap and detergent and 2 toothbrushes later... I was a happy soul. And every now and then when I catch a gleam from the kitchen rack, I sure return it with a toothy one of mine.
So if any of you ever get invited to my place for dinner, rest assured its never the bacteria that will kill you.