A T-shirt that says 'No'

Well... The story in the last post ended. Well. I met the client today and it all went ok the minute his huge ego was satisfied. Seeing three women lug it down to Thane from Santacruz (Distance: Equator to the North Pole) was a satisfying experience... He will have an orgasm thinking about this for days to come. His life must be really boring for him to resort to such cheap thrills. But anyway...Best thing was I took this opportunity to open a dialogue with my Boss. And we spoke for a good hour and it seemed like a decent enough chat... considering it happened for the first time in the whole past year!

So the amazing experience which may just be life changing happened last evening. I met someone. E.R.U.D.I.T.E does not begin to say it. He had finished reading all the Puranas before he reached V std. All Upnishads, Vedas by VIII. So he is obviously on a different plane of evolution. And he reminded me of some simple fundamental truths of life.

Our chat drifted towards me and I told him about my inability to face conflicts. I told him how I was a wimp when it comes to confrontations coz I just can not engage in one. I just can not say, 'No, please don't do this. Its bugging me!' He asked me if I don't do anything at all... And why? I say that I am uncomfortable with anger. My mind is conditioned towards not expressing anger because it has learnt for it to cause pain. I hence feel guilt after expressing anger. I also tell him that now I have improved and have started reacting 2 out of 10 times. I tell him I believe in an 'adult-adult' interaction devoid of too many emotions to solve an issue... mostly by the time I cool down the whole thing has lost its fizz and I don't see much point raking the dust then.

He laughed. Very hard. I was awkward coz here I had told this guy a thing so deep about me most of my good pals don't know... and he is laughing. He finally stopped and said all this was brilliant rationa'lie'sation... this facade of 'jaane do', compassion... forgiveness. He said that an ant can not forgive an elephant. I responded saying it bloody well can! How does size matter? He again said that a lamb can not forgive a tiger! And I looked at him and said.. . ok Help me. I am lost!

And then he explained that a lamb can forgive a tiger only if it can kill the tiger too. Since it can not kill the tiger there is no scope of forgiveness. Forgiveness is a choice. You make the choice for yourself and yourself alone. But you need to be able to kill first... to be able to decide not to kill. You need to be capable of hurting before letting go and forgiving.

He said that the one and only obligation you have is to protect your own interests. Its truly the only thing under your area of control. So react. Not necessarily with anger... but react. Tell him /her what is it that you dint like. Say it and then if they choose to fight, use it as an opportunity to resolve the issue. Say it and then if they choose to leave, let them. They would have left anyway in some time.

I told him his approach sounded selfish. He smiled... looked at me and smiled deep. It felt like coming from his soul and wrapping around mine. He said... 'If you do not tell that person what they are doing wrong to you... you are taking away the opportunity of them changing for the better forever.' You are taking an equal revenge. He/ she upsets you. And you never let them know. They stay as they are and maybe you become weaker too. The entropy of the whole system goes for a toss.What's the big point?

Since then I have about this to two other good friends of mine and have called them 'you cowards' and then reiterated that 4 fingers are still pointing towards me! :)

And I guess I should have published this post yesterday rather than falling asleep on a laptop... drooling in my sleep! May be then Mr Anonymous here would not have taken my case (pl refer to the comment in the previous post!). Ha!

What do you think!?!


ps: I really have a T-Shirt that says "NO!"... for last three years now. I like it much and wear it on one of those days when you have one of those feelings!