So be it

Early morning here... not yet two. I am up and hoping to get started on work coz I have this important meeting tom at 9... Happens to be a Saturday too. But today I shall not crib about how I am working oh so hard. I am going to stop being a baby about all of this. Everyone goes through working to near death at least ones a year and so be it. My time's come.

Been a few days though that I can't listen to music. It hurts... very difficult to explain this... but I don't think I'll listen to 'Summer moved on' for a good long time to come. May be never. I can't.

My body is kicking me to get back into my exercise routine. I am looking forward to the dance class on Sunday. Dint go last time around and am still upset with myself for that.

I am just vegetating infront of the laptop most of the times and guess that's the reason why everytime I close my eyes visions flash... its like the mind comes up with innovative ways to scare me into opening my eyes shocked wide. Everytime I close my eyes I see some scary thing... its like I am playing a game in my head where I start with a nice visual... like a quiet lake with full moon at night and suddenly have snakes all over my boat... so I try change that to watching the moon from the shore and there I feel a shadow lurking behing me ... uneasy rustling sound... so I fight it and say its a friend come to sit by my side... and when I turn to look at him with a smile its an evil dead. This phase does not let me relax... can't sleep and get tired coz I need to keep my mind busy. Or it will get into the visual playing let-scare-her routine again.

So lets change the topic. Its Dad's birthday this month. Wondering what to get for him. Its a special birthday this time. The first after his surgery.

Time is flying and very soon sis will be off to NZ for studies... I am sitting here thinking how the hell am I gonna let her go. I really love her and she is one of the few people I miss really. I am so fiercely protective about her that will go and drop her off to NZ coz I wanna ensure she settles down ok there... against every body's advice.

Time passes. People come and go. Love comes and goes and in the end its just me here. If that's how its gotta be then so be it. For the time being, I'll send across the motherfucker of ze excel sheet I am working on to the visualization department inside my head! And see if they have anything scarier to get back at me. Screw them really!