Dreams unlimited

So as I said its been a phase when there's been a lot of thinking happening. Its always happening with me but now there seems to be a renewed effort to take it in the brighter direction. And there is tremendous scope for improvement... but as someone said... you won't get to the big victory unless you celebrate the small ones on the way.

As I get to these elusive goals of life, I have had some small victories, some beautiful moments with me that I will like to celebrate with you here. Mid last week, the work stress was getting to me and I went for a stroll around the building. Nothing busts that uneasy feeling for me like a walk or sleep. I sat down on the ledge under one of the trees and for some time thoughts were like the shadows of the leaves above... shimmering, blurring in front ... no finite shape... undefined.

And then from somewhere an idea came... for some reason I was taken back to all the major instances of my career with this organisation for the last year.... I looked back at all the challenges and hurdles, client and colleague situations... and I realised I had found a solution to every single one of them. Later at times than what might be expected, but I had nevertheless. An even stronger realisation was how little help I had received from certain quarters it was expected from. And even though some problems still remain unsolved, I am onto a solution now. So I know I will get there. I don't know how right now but I will get there. I still get worried but I will get there.

I looked at things from purely my perspective, and I was happy. In this moment I chose to overlook what these people mirrors had been reflecting all this while. I chose to look within rather than outside in search for answers. I am happy I found them. In an instance a few other thoughts flashed past and I felt I was looking at the whole situation with a new perspective. I was placing a lot of importance on my own feedback and how I felt and what I wanted. I gave myself credit for all the hard work in the last year. I was not feeling guilty, for once... I hate introspections because mostly they are instigated by some feeling of guilt. I was happy that I was experiencing a 'happy introspection' for a change, right after a stressful moment.

I was full of hope, looked at the challenges in front, for which I know I will not get much support, but for once the thought did not make me nervous. It made me think... have managed it till now so will now on as well. For once I felt faith within, coming from my own feedback. Absolutely independent of what any one else thought. And it felt great!

The second victory came in a relationship with a colleague. I acted out of instinct, contrary to what every one else had been telling me. I had a conflict situation at hand and everyone I spoke to about it supported my cause and said how it was all so unfair. They were being good friends. I however did not take any advice I got. I took responsibility for making things better and went back and worked on the relationship. I listened before being listened to. I understood before being understood. I did on my own that no one had asked me to do. I sat dwn and took out time to list all the good things this person had and genuinely communicated my regard. We had to say something about everyone else at a team dinner and I took the opportunity. I listed down all of these and my colleague did not say a thing but her surprise was genuine. Its been getting better since. Not all mails are marked to boss. There is much less defensiveness.

And everyone else has been coming back saying I am doing a good job! I smile at them... the same people were giving me some totally diff advice some time back. But that's how things are... :)

Some failure is inevitable in life. This week I took out time to look at success. We indians are so conditioned to be failure focused we miss out on the lil joys of celebrating our success. So as I celebrate I an getting this feeling of coming full circle somehow!

To change the flavour, we are hunting for acco for sis in NZ. And my parents are absolutely ok with the idea of her sharing a flat with two guys! My jaw dropped and I was gaping at them like a retard... till my sister pinched me. Mon and Dad dint realise this ofcourse... they had already moved on to the next topic of conversation. I looked at my sis and she smiled back. Things have changed back here people... they really have! 6 years ago they would have disowned me and then shot me in the eye for having so much as thought about such a thing! Look at them now! In this part of the universe evolution is moving with the speed of light! And I am glad.