Trayambhakeshwar.... now say it 3 times really fast!!!

In case you are wondering I've just come back from this place. Its close to the city of Nashik in Maharashtra. We went there as a family for a Pooja... I wouldn't elaborate further on this. My Mom had been planning for this for weeks. Her nerves were like guitar strings, wiry and stretched...strung on a high pitched note. Dad was lackadaisical about the whole issue from the very start... as usual. Me and my sister... were oscillating between silly giggles and bitching about mom screaming at us in a pandaal full of people. We were late but truly believed the punishment was very disproportionate.

But we did it... for mom. Her enthusiasm for the whole thing was too innocent to mar with our cynicism.

My journey started from Bombay. The guy at the ticket desk told me I should be at Nasik by 4:30 PM. This was a relief as I had woken up considerably late and knew I had to be there by then to save my ass from Mom's verbal whips. He deftly worked up the mobiles and landlines around him to get me a seat in the 12 Noon bus. Then he proudly turned around and told me... 'Ladies seat diye la hai madam! No 3 hai... ikdumich aagey hi baithne ka' (I've got you the ladies's seat...special! Its in front as well)... I looked at his toothy grin and thought ok! All's well that ends well.

And then the torture started. My so called special seat was an ergonomic horror. It was right besides the very door of the bus, put in a space which was meant for people to walk in and out of the contraption that crawled on 4 wheels and ensured I never reached my destination at 4:30.

Another mentionable but very forgettable aspect was the music. It started with devotional tracks based on bollywood movie songs... (CRINGE!!!)... The tape was stuck and someone finally had the guts to stand up and politely request for the damn thing to be shut up. The driver interpreted it as want for better music. What we were given then was so terrible I was murderous and suicidal at the same time. I am sure all of us remember the 'Bewafa' album from T-Series of the Gulshan Kumar fame... which also featured some songs from the only movie of Kishan Kumar, his handsome to die for younger brother. Sung by obscure singers (heavy shaky male voice, shrill thin female one) with desi orchestra for background score. Arrgghh!!

Then I got the news that after managing the 6 hours on my own, I was to be escorted for the final leg of the journey. The Gentle man doing the honors was a senior officer from mom and pa's organization. And they were under considerable stress at the thought of leaving him alone with me. Unfortunately, they could get their fears across to me in time for me to be able to do anything... the temptation was there believe me.

He saw a girl, and an excellent opportunity to dive into a lecture on goodness of all things, and how its the human touch that makes the world go round! Quite right actually... in the wrong sense of the statement. Personally, I wanted to go straight back and watch hard XXX rated stuff for 24 hours straight to purge my soul. I would have died... but for a few life saving bits like:

Uncle: "I love girls"
Me: Smile....(Sick bastard! need to discreetly unlock the car door. Lifetime motto: Be prepared.)
Uncle: "I love all girls"
Me: (looking outside the window... stop it! damn you.)
Uncle: "All girls are like daughters"
Me: (Ah!! This is what happens when you translate hindi to english in your head... you loser!!!) Biiiig Smile!! (Trying hard to hide the incredulous expression.)
Uncle: "I have a son too. He works for Erection."
Me: Oh?(I dont want to know about a family of gigolos!! Does he know what the fuck he's saying!!)
Uncle: Yes... that which makes phones na!! Erection.. Erection.
Me: (Dear lord!!! He means Ericsson!!) giggles... giggles
Uncle: "Bhat happened?"
Me: Oh nothing!! So you really love your girls? :) (Sick thoughts in my head... innocent smile on face)

I live. And I am back in Mumbai writing this to live in the internet universe forever. Amen!