And the hope that sun will shine... soon

You think that you know love. You think that you have lived it for years ... and then one day it just ups and surprises the life out of you. Literally the life out of you. The past few weeks have been tough. They've been about choices. Like a multiple choice with just one right option. And you look at it... the paper infront of you and you just can't pick one. From your point of view you love all these people wanting you to choose... and then love does not say its a planet where you have countries with lines and boundaries and violent defenses. So why to have to make a choice...? So you think you'll trump it! You'll refuse to pick and let love run its course. Have faith and wait it out... wait for all these people to believe that loving someone does not mean I don't love you too. That I am not dividing myself up... just sharing more of me. Subtle differences... deeper hurts. And then the whole cycle of waiting for yourself to forgive yourself for assumed damages on all sides... and everyone looking at you with the accusation that you could have prevented it. Yes... I could have. But then what would I have done about the voice within that screams stop compromising! That screams enough! The good thats come out of it all is that I faced my worst fears in their faces... And they aren't that scary. Am still numb. I don't feel much. There was some positive hope... but then seems 'fickle' too is a law somewhere. For it shows up in equations pretty often. The funny thing is that in the end when I did not have to pick and all came around to what I had been saying from the very start... why do I feel its better to strike it out alone... for some time. Human beings, wants and do-not-wants, duty and right... guilt and righteousness... its all grey. I think I'll do what I always do. Wait it out for the sun to shine... soon.