Get back on my feet... I do.

So its been a long hiatus from my dear blog spot. And I think he doesn't mind. I always did get a lot of space from this guy here. :)
So its been some thinking, some reading and some vegetating happening here all this awhile. So have discovered some new aspects to me... seen to it that I get to know the person I spend the most time with (me!) better. Seen to it that I like her and feel for her and ensure that her well being is priority with us.
So for all of this its been an interesting ride and I am glad for it. I feel this sense of peace within that is not so common to feel late on a Sunday evening. The battles and demons of the week to come quite often than not manage to poison this part of the week for me.
I see that the reason for it is hope. It is this idea within that the coming week is when I may just be putting in my papers and be ready to leave and move on. I am ready to move on, to take on something new and this time around I want to ensure nurturing for me in the process. I want to take a chance at finding inspiration and feeling my heart soar. Oh what a feeling that is!
I was speaking to Mom today and told her how I'd felt like this race car without head lights for some time now. I'd felt like I was going somewhere but not really sure if I was getting anywhere. I told her that good it happened so because now I know where I'd like to get to and the risks I am willing to take to get it.
I know that I cannot work or exist without inspiration. I need a higher ideal to move towards, to have meaning in whatever I do. Call me a control freak, but I need to know where its going and why. Call me an idealist, but I need people around me to inspire me with their own excellence. I am not ashamed of this dependence either now. I think in these past few months I have understood how deeply I cherish such people around me. I have come to fully recognise their power over me. You give me something striving towards excellence and you've got me hooked. You don't have spend an extra second motivating me... I'll fail that is for sure but I will rise up again and again and again... There is nothing else that makes me so happy.
A small digression. I was watching those CSI kinda stuff on AXN today and then the 'So you think you can dance' stuff. I was thinking why is it that I love to watch some of those movies again and again... why I like to watch these serials? I realised that no one in these stories is in a job they don't like. They are always at the top of their game and come up aces against odds always. Its the consistent excellence and the portrayed brilliance of what they do that I love. It is this touch of divinity that we all aspire for, isn't it? The search is to find that one thing within us that will take us closer to this goal. I realised that it is only true excellence that validates our existence to us. That in reality, another's opinion does not really ever matter. It is always our own. We may not be aware of it always though.
It is in this search that our true happiness lies and all that we need to and will care to learn. This is the path of the individual and no one else can walk it for any. The people who then really make a difference to us are the ones who lead us to this path. They are the ones who inspire and make us believe that its possible. They believe it for us before we can. True essence of love. The reason why we find it most in our heart to love in whom we see the greatest potential.
Here's to hoping that the year to come will bring with it ideas and hope, warmth and love and most of all inspiration to all of us. Make all of us get closer to our own divinity. Amen!